She is toying with my feelings for her

She is toying with my feelings for her

Dear Agatha,

I have read through a handfull of your responses to relationship based issues.
To be candid, I find them useful and very interesting.
It is against this background I want you to help me through your wealth of experience resolve the challenge I’m also facing in my attempt to establish a relationship with this lady I have fallen in love with.
Until I met her at a friend’s wedding, I had been out of a relationship for two years. Despite desiring one, I just couldn’t find the right woman I wanted in my life. But when I met her at my best friend’s wedding, I was determined to have her for keeps.
We exchanged numbers and since then, we have been communicating on the phone and social media. My explicit feeling for her is nothing but love. In fact, I have had to travel to Port Harcourt twice just to visit her. I have fallen in love with her, even though we have nothing in common.
Though not yet in a relationship, we talk for multiple minutes and call ourselves pet names like sweetie, honey and other similar endearments. But, she has been mute on several occasions when I tried to define our relationship.
I noticed in the few days I spent visiting her that she is also close to two other guys who also call her frequently. I also observed that unless I initiate the calls or chats, she doesn’t call or ping me.
I have this strong feeling she is just trying to keep me by the side. I have unsuccessfully tried to forget about her but I can’t. I love her and don’t know what to do. Please advise me.
Lover boy.

Dear Lover Boy,

No matter how difficult it is for you to stay away from her, learn to, before you get too affected by the way she is treating you. The danger of holding on to someone who doesn’t want you around is the attendant anger you might end up developing towards the opposite sex.
The residual anger may instigate you to even the score of your hurt on an innocent woman who has nothing to do with the way this other woman has treated you. If you have gone out of your way to show how much you want her in your life and she isn’t responding to your advances, retreat and allow her be.
It is a gamble you must take to help you come to the reality of your situation with her. This may prompt her to notice how important you have become to her and force her to reconsider her attitude towards you. If this happens, she would be the one calling you and requesting to come over to visit you. This way, you would have succeeded in getting her to appreciate you for who you are. It would also even out the imbalance of the scale of love which currently puts you at a complete disadvantage. And if she doesn’t care about your decision to stop bothering her with your calls, chats and visits; at least, you go with the consolations that you gave it your best. Either way, you win the battle for your emotional freedom as well as the strength to go along with your final decision to end it.
For any relationship to work efficiently, the love scale should be almost even, else the one who is bringing the most love will always get hurt by the one who is giving the least love. This is the reason she doesn’t care to call you or ping you because deep in her heart she cannot be bothered about how you feel by the choices she is making. If she has any feeling for you, she would want to protect you against pains, even if playing the usual hard-to-get game we as women put up things when trying to assess the suitability of our suitors.
Honestly, you don’t need that kind of person in your life. You may have fallen for her but she isn’t in love with you. To insist on having her is to keep hurting yourself, because her attitude towards you is very clear- she isn’t into you at all.
We fall in love for different reasons but that feeling has to be reciprocated by the object of our affection to make it beautiful and healthy. Without the other party returning the feeling of love, it becomes tedious and painful. Love is meant to be delightful and not insensitive.
Despite your confessions about her not being your type, you have nevertheless fallen for her. This is what you must define in your next relationship. Who actually is your type? This may have been the crux of your problem in your previous relationships. Those you think are your type may really not have that extra special something you want in your woman. Even though the woman you found it in doesn’t appear to want you, look for it in another woman. To have a balanced relationship, you need a little bit of everything in your partner to keep your relationship exciting. Just as you can never get everything you want in one person, you have to find all the little bits that will ultimately be sufficient to live your life in peace and harmony with the one person who will last forever in your life.
So have an open mind when next you meet a woman you might be interested in. This you will do right by enlisting the help of He who alone knows the woman who can guaranty you the most happiness.
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