I’m in a very messy situation and need urgent answers from you before I do something stupid.
I have a girlfriend, I love very much and whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
Sometime ago, I accommodated her in my apartment because the apartment she paid for was undergoing construction. I have known her since her first year in school. I happen to work in the same university she is schooling.
About three weeks ago, I had reasons to travel and told her to look for a place to stay pending when I would return. I didn’t want to leave her alone at home for security reasons.
We have never had unprotected sex, despite promptings from her at times that she doesn’t mind not having protection.
I was therefore shocked when she told me she missed her period. I immediately knew I wasn’t responsible for her condition.
When I demanded to know how that was possible since I always used condom; it was then she told me that when I traveled and told her to find a place to stay, she was raped by the guy whose room she slept that night.
Agatha, is this girl telling the truth? Don’t you think they are in a relationship? Why would she sleep in a guy’s room?
I blame her for this ugly development because for over three weeks after I came back from the trip, she didn’t tell me anything. It is now that she is pregnant that she is telling me about the rape incident. I have since taken her to the hospital for proper medical checkup.
Agatha, I’m shattered because it took me years to find her. What should I do please?
These are questions you should be asking the girl, not me. She is the only one that can say why she elected to sleep in a man’s room when she could easily have put up with a female friend. The simple truth is; no woman would have the confidence to sleep in a guy’s room without the two of them having an affair. Yes, she can go to him for help but a decent guy would leave his room for his female friend to be comfortable as well as protect her moral values.
That the two of them slept together in the same room without any scruples, indicates she consented to whatever may happen afterwards. To insist she was raped in that situation she willingly walked into would be difficult to prove. She is being stingy with the truth, especially as she didn’t tell you about the incident for all of three weeks, or about whose place she slept when you were out of town.
Even if the guy is guilty of rape, your girlfriend exposed herself to such abuse by consenting to that kind of arrangement in the first place. If she knew she didn’t have a place to stay while you were out of town, why didn’t she tell you so? Besides, before you offered her accommodation, where was she staying? Why couldn’t she have gone back to the friends she was staying with before she moved in with you.
No one can prove a case against this man, because your woman for reasons best known to her sought his assistance for temporary accommodation; walked into his room of her own free will; and didn’t protest the two of them sharing a room for the night. She couldn’t have been that gullible to think the guy would allow her share his room without anything happening between the two of them. At the point he locked the door against them that night, they had become two consenting adults.
But you aren’t altogether without some sort of blame. Though, you claim security concerns necessitated your asking her to find an alternative accommodation while you were away, did you bother to find out where she had in mind or who she finally went to? Do you even know who her friends are? If you did, you would have suggested the friend you wanted her to stay with.
Your attitude to the whole issue of where and who she stayed with during the period of your trip, questions your true feelings for her. A man who loves his woman would not be so uncaring as not to be inquisitive to know who his woman stayed with while he was away. You should have made the effort to find out the identity of the friend with a view to offering your gratitude for allowing the woman you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with, stay for the period you were away. This is the ideal, irrespective of the two of them being friends. That you failed to be concerned indicates a red alert in your relationship. You might want to ask yourself some very soul searching questions only you can answer. Just be very honest with yourself to get the right riposte. In any case, was it too much to consider getting a friend of hers or even your brother stay in your house to keep her company while you were away?
Undoubtedly, she is penny-pinching with the truth. But this is solely your call. If you love her enough to overlook this slip, do the needful by adopting the unborn child as yours as it would be impossible to pin the baby on the man she claimed raped her. Besides, since you both have been cohabiting, you would automatically be assumed to be responsible for her condition. If you aren’t wise and absolutely diplomatic in dealing with this situation, it could turn very messy; the kind that could cost you your job.
But to do this, is to be sure you trust her story and love her enough to forget this misadventure of hers. It is the only way you can accept and treat the baby as yours. I say this because if there is any shadow of doubt within you, it would affect your behaviour towards the innocent child.
But if the real issue here is the time it took you to find her, please let her go. This issue will always be a problem between the two of you.
Only an unconditional kind of love has the capacity and ability to eclipse the doubt this situation has created in your relationship.
it is imperative she tells you the real truth not just about this pregnancy but also about herself. It is crystal clear from this episode that you really do not know the woman you have been living with.
However, hear what plans she has for herself and her unborn child before explaining your position to her.
But for the records, a man may use condom and his woman can still get pregnant if there is a leak in the condom. This is just to inform you that the use of condom is not absolute in preventing pregnancy.
Ask God for help in prayer.