I’m In Love With My Pastor

I’m In Love With My Pastor
Dear Agatha,
I need your advice!  I’m in love with my pastor. The situation is crazy.
Although currently unhappy in my relationship, I do have a boyfriend.
My pastor is still married, but he too is having issues in his marriage.
I think he is going through the process of separation or divorcing his wife.
He doesn’t know I’m seriously in love with him, but judging from the way I can’t keep my eyes off him, I think he might be guessing my feelings for him. What should I do? Should I tell him? Find another church? I can’t tell my heart to stop these feelings or who to love for that matter.  I wish it were that easy. I can’t stop thinking of him. It’s bad. It’s serious. I need help. As the head of the media team, we grew close working together till late in the night. On such occasions, he drops me off at home.  His wife is out of the country.
Disorganized lady.
Dear Disorganized lady,
Please quit the church as soon as possible. Your closeness to him isn’t going to help you at all to quash this romantic feeling you are having towards him. The more you continue to be in his company, the more defenseless you become against your feelings for him.
You are playing with extremely hot coal attending that church and keeping your position as head of the media team. Given that both of you are having issues in your relationships, you could easily be compromised.  He is first a man before being a pastor and as such subject to all the temptations of this world.
He is currently weak emotionally and any green light from you, could further serve to expose him to the inherent weakness in every man who is having emotional issues and, in the company of a willing woman. How would you feel if in a moment of weakness he sleeps with you and goes ahead to settle with his wife? Would you in all honestly blame him for taking advantage of you?
Also think of the church. How would you feel if you are being named as the reason for the destruction of his ministry? As a worker in the church, your responsibility includes, helping the pastor build a viable ministry and home.
 If you are truthful to your conscience, you would resign from your position to enable you fight whatever is it you feel for him. It is the most honourable thing to do under the circumstances you find yourself.
Granted, you cannot tell the heart whom to love, but you can discipline it to reason out its action. Is it every person the heart falls in love with that one welcomes into his or her life?
There are some love stories that must die at birth; this is one of them. This man is married and a pastor. You cannot love him at all.
True love also means sacrificing for the well-being of the other person. If you truly love this man, you must make the sacrifice for him to be free of the guilt of having an extra marital relationship with you. What you feel for him isn’t worth losing your integrity for as well as that of the church. Should you continue to give room to your feelings to manifest, some people would soon notice and come to the wrong conclusions that his marriage got destroyed because of you.  Do you really want to be linked with that kind of controversy?
Irrespective of whatever challenges he is going through in his marriage, falling in love with him will only lead to heartaches for you. As a child of God, you are not unmindful of the position of God on adultery. As a woman who aspires to be married someday, don’t contribute in any way to the destruction of another woman’s home.
Yes, this couple may be having issues but still has a chance, no matter how thin to work things out if you don’t get involved.
Every marriage must go through its cycle of challenges. Even the best of marriages, at one time or the other, had issues that almost tore the couple apart before it was successfully managed. Life has never been known to be a long straight line. It is a combination of curvy, bumpy, muddy swirls and straight lines. If left alone, they will eventually resolve their problem.
What he needs from you is prayer. He needs a lot of it to overcome this challenge that is threatening to destroy him as a man, as well as his ministry.
As a media person, you know how negative press can destroy him and his ministry. You must therefore do everything humanly possible to avert the consequences of your feelings towards him.
You are having issues in your relationship because of him. Moving away from him will also give you the chance to really evaluate such issues you are having with your boyfriend.
Making up with your boyfriend, will certainly help water down your feelings for your pastor.
Every troubled relationship needs an opportunity to mend. Yours certainly needs a chance to either heal itself or have a closure to enable both of you do other things. But in discussing with your boyfriend, be honest. Don’t allow whatever feelings you have for your pastor becloud your sound judgment concerning issues you have with your boyfriend. Bear in mind that a determined mind can make a bad relationship work while an insincere one will always find excuses not to make things work.
The problem in your relationship appears deeper than it really is because your mind is tendering towards another man. Given the situation you are in, it is quite natural for your mind to build up resentments against your boyfriend to give you the perfect excuse to end the relationship. Don’t give in to your current feelings, thereby making a positive resolution of the issues difficult for you and your boyfriend.
If resolution is impossible between you and your boyfriend, move away completely from your current environment. Take a leave and move to a place where you can pray him away from your life with a view to beginning afresh. Asking God for help He will surely assist you get around this problem.
Good luck
  • LadyP

    I have a similar issue and i hope disorganized lady listened. I’ve been involved in a sexual relationship with my pastor for 3 years.he is a single man and guess what he has every intention of staying that way.I want to marry him and I do feel that he should never have had sex with me if he didn’t want a real relationship with me.Now I am heartbroken BC I chose to give my body to a man in hopes that he would only take it if he intended to marry me.well that isn’t his intention and he has left me to deal with these feelings on my own.I attend the church and I am still a very active member and have a working position in the church.I have to deal with all of the rumors of other women he is allegedly having sex with and women who are claiming God told them he was their husband and it is a personal torment that i would caution every woman to avoid. This is a situation that is easy to get into but emotionally super difficult to get out of.Leave these pastors alone. ..