I Love Him But……

I Love Him But……

Dear Agatha,

There is this guy I’m so in love with but the drawback is, he is a pastor. I think he feels something for me because I have several times caught him stealing glances at me just like he has caught me too.

I want to find a way to talk to him to see if we can become friends first. Maybe with time we can become something more than mere friends.

I have even made it a prayer point because I love him dearly. I don’t have any on-going relationship and he is single too. But what I can’t say is, if he has an existing relationship. And that’s the reason I want us to get talking first. How do I go about it?


Dear Juliet,

If you are not ashamed of what you feel for him and how he would react to you, there is nothing wrong walking up to him to ask him to be your friend. Irrespective of his pastoral calling, everyone needs a friend but the problem here is, given what you feel for him, can you trust yourself to behave decently around him? Will you be able to contain your feelings for him in such a way that you don’t become an instrument of destruction?

The point I’m making here is, will you be able to resist seducing him?

You and I know, when a woman wants a man; it would take the special grace of God for such a man to escape.

One thing is to be his friend another thing is for you to accept just being his friend. Your love must be the kind that is willing to let nature take its course without you manipulating it in anyway to favour your plans.

Considering that this man is a pastor, calls for extreme caution on your part. You have to be prepared to let him go if he isn’t interested in you the way you want.

One thing is to fall in love with the image you see of him another thing is cope with the person he turns out to be. So in seeking for friendship from him, be focused on one thing, getting to know the person behind the image. It is imperative to know if he is the kind of man that would make you happy, the kind who is able to fuel the best in you, who is compassionate, trustworthy and is confident of his own achievements in life.

Above all, is he sincere to his calling as a man of God, or he is simply pretending to be one because of the perceived financial and other personal benefits associated with it?

This is really the most important thing you should focus on, because a man who isn’t truthful to God can never be to anybody.

If convinced you can be in his company without compromising yourself, go ahead while still trusting God to do what He knows is best for you.

In this kind of situation, it’s best you go along with God’s plans. For now you may just see him as a man you want to be with but unlike the other men around you, he is different because he happens to be a servant of God. His wife to be must be ready to invest her everything to help him succeed in life; that includes sacrificing your own ambition for his.

Are you ready for that kind of challenge? Do you have what it takes to be a good and supportive girlfriend/wife to a man of God?

Have you ever imagined yourself as girlfriend or wife to a pastor? Apart from going to church, what is the relationship between you and your Bible? What is your prayer life like? What is your temperament like? Can you afford to share your husband with all the kinds of women who will come to him for one help or the other? Can you manage your jealousy around these women who crave for his company on account of his annointing?

Do you have what it takes to endure periods of lack, prolonged praying and fasting?

Believe me, these questions are not meant to deter you from pursuing your love for him but to help you look beyond your feelings to the whole reality of what you want.

It would be such a waste of effort and time if after doing everything to get his attention, you find out that you lack the emotional strength to function as his woman.

Good luck.