Help! I Don’t Want My Daughter To End Like Me

Help! I Don’t Want My Daughter To End Like Me
My only daughter and child is 30 years of old and yet to marry. We only have each other because the father denied her even before she was born. As a result of this denial by her father, my parents disowned me for bringing shame to them.
In retrospect, I’m to blame because back then, I couldn’t control myself when I see a handsome man. My daughter’s father disowned us because he wasn’t the only man in my life. I was in another relationship at the time I was with him.
My daughter appears to be towing my line in her choice of men. Since she became matured enough to date, she has never given deep consideration for the character of a man. Once the man has the looks, she doesn’t care about anything else. Knowing how I ended up, I have tried my best to properly guide her in her choice of men but she keeps resisting my efforts.
Like every mother, I am worried about her single status. Time waits for no woman. So you can imagine my joy when she said she was coming home with the man she has decided to spend the rest of her life with. I was happy that I went out of my way to prepare for them.
But I almost collapsed when she walked in with an elderly man in his late 40s as the man she getting married to. Apart from his exceedingly good looks, this man has nothing else to offer. At his age, he has never been married, doesn’t have a stable job and from the way he was looking around the house a gold digger. He wanted to confirm from me if I owned the cars parked outside the house as well as the house.
Knowing his kind, I told him that the house  as well as the cars parked outside were my official entitlements. My daughter didn’t like what I said, but I dared her with my looks to contradict me.
After that the man became cold and actually hurried his stay. From that day, it has become a huge battle between my daughter and I. she accused me of trying to stand in the way of her happiness by lying to the man she loved.
When I tried to reason with her, she refused. The only reason she hasn’t moved in with him is because he is squatting with a friend.
As for her mother, I feel sorry for her. But I cannot let her end up with such a man. I don’t know what to do anymore. I truly feel defeated by her attitude. How do I tackle this challenge? She has given me the ultimatum of never seeing again or giving her permission to marry the man of her choice.
Lola
Dear Lola,
At 30, your daughter is more than old enough to make her decisions. At her age, she should know what is good for her and what isn’t. if she thinks being handsome is a factor that determines happiness in a marriage, you cannot stop her. It is her life, afterall. If she is unwilling to learn from your mistakes and pains, then let her be. For children like her, experience remains the best teacher.
You have cocooned her enough, it is time you allow know how life operates.
Yes, it will definitely hurt you to see her waste all the love, care and attention you invested in her. But then, at this stage, there is little you can do to stop the inevitable. Give her your blessings to do the way she pleases, as long as she isn’t planning to bring the man into your home.
They should live wherever they want to as long as she isn’t going to expect you to contribute a dime to their wedding and accommodation. Your job as her mother finished long ago. She has since cut her wisdom teeth, becoming fully responsible for every of her actions and inactions.
Painful as it is going to be, make it clear to her that on no account should she come to you for help, whether emotional, financial or otherwise; because her freedom is absolute.
Being a mother, I know we never abandon our duty post when our children need us. But sometimes, we need to, for them to be better and happier in life. Yes, it may appear too late for her to change her mind, but experience has taught me never to argue with these children when they appear determined to have their way.
I have learnt to play along with them while I embark of praying and fasting to get them to change their minds. Having been young once, I know how stubborn children can be, especially when they want a particular thing so desperately. A mother succeeds best when she relies on the powers of prayers.
From the story you told of your past, you more than most mothers should know, emotion cannot be controlled by anybody. If she thinks she is in love, no one can prevent her from following the dictates of her heart.
Failure to reason with her is to further drive her away from you. If you have never thought of using the weapon of prayers, this is the right time to begin. When it comes to the prayers of mothers over their children, God has a way of answering at the nick of time. Let her set the date but tell God to have His way in her life. If it is God’s will for her to marry this man for reasons best known to Him, irrespective of what you feel, it will happen according to the intentions of God. But if He does not want it to happen, it won’t.
Also, she could be your nemesis. If your parents are still alive, there is the need for you to go and beg them for forgiveness. Yes they were wrong in disowning you, but you also weren’t the perfect child to them. To stop this trend from becoming the norm in your family, you must ensure it ends with you. If they are dead, ask God for mercy to end it all. Often than not, the mistakes we make in our youth is the harbinger for the many challenges we face in our adult lives.
All you require is to trust God.
Good luck