My wedding is just a few days away, but I don’t feel like going ahead with the ceremony. In the last couple of weeks, I have seen my girlfriend change from a caring and respectful lady to one who is ‘outrightly’ rude.
When we started, I wasn’t too keen on her and actually did everything to force her to quit the relationship but it got to a point when my elder sister who resides in Dubai had to tell her to let me go due to my attitude towards her.
My sister, in her anger against me told her to look for a man more deserving of her love and respect. She categorically told her I wasn’t good enough for her. That was what made me to become very serious with her. She thanked my sister for her positive intervention when I changed to a very caring boyfriend.
In fact, when we decided to get married, it was at my sister’s invitation she went to Dubai to shop. You can therefore imagine my surprise that it is this same sister of mine that my girlfriend insulted three days ago for suggesting she bars her family and friends from being in charge of refreshment at the wedding reception, to avoid the embarrassing situation of one sided serving of guests.
My girlfriend didn’t even wait for my sister to finish her suggestions before telling her to mind her business, insisting she cannot control her like she is doing with me and my siblings. My sister was so shocked that she withdrew into the room without uttering a word. Before I could react to her outburst, she stormed out of my house.
It won’t be the first time since we fixed our wedding date that she would be rude to my friends and family. My younger sister whom she insulted in the market when they went to buy gift items for our guests, told me she won’t be attending our wedding.
The matter is still unresolved. She didn’t tell our parents because she didn’t want to be mentioned as the reason for any disagreement between my girlfriend and family. Many of my friends too have experienced the unpleasantness of her new attitude in the course of preparing for our wedding.
Some few weeks ago, she almost slapped me when I disagreed with her right in the presence of my best man.
I don’t know what is wrong with her anymore. I’m really apprehensive about what the future holds for us if she continues in her current form.
The issue with my elder sister is the last straw. I cannot stand by and watch her insult everybody close to me. When I went to her house to ask why she addressed my sister in that matter, she told me she didn’t want anyone making decisions for her.
I went to see her mother to complain about the change in her character and how she spoke to my elder sister, she promised to talk to her and to apologize to my sister.
Till now both mother and daughter haven’t deemed it fit to do that. Instead, what the mother did was to send a bill of the three cows she said she ordered for entertainment at the wedding reception. I’m shocked because at no time did we discuss the issue of buying additional cows. We had since concluded the issue of refreshment.
My best man and other close friends want me to halt my plans for now. Even her elder brother, is against my going ahead with the wedding ceremony. He says his mother is the one manipulating his sister to misbehave. Agatha, please I need your help
This is a very delicate matter as your happiness hangs on a cliff. It is like standing between the devil and the deep blue sea.
But before you make up your mind, there is need for you to once again call her for a discussion on the change in her character.
Given all her atrocities, the consensus is for you to end it now but, you still need to be wise and honest in arriving at your final decision. Unpalatable as her attitude is now, ensure you are free of blames and regrets later in life. If the time is too short to have a closure on this matter, there is no harm in shifting the date to give you both a chance to think clearly.
First you have to find out what the real problem is with her. For all you know she may be reacting to something you have done or failed to do. It is extremely important you get her to open up to you. At this point, you must keep at bay everybody as well as their opinions. This is all about you and her.
Trust me, if you both are able to resolve whatever problem your relationship has, your friends and family will eventually come to accept your position even if they appear unforgiving in the beginning.
Eight years isn’t two months that should be allowed to go to waste without doing the needful. If the truth be told, something is very wrong with both of you. By now, you should have been able to guess at the source of the problem, not left in the dark like you appear to be now. What this impasse has succeeded in throwing up, is the lack of substance in your eight years of courtship. How do you propose to spend a life time with a woman whose mind you don’t know? Even if you weren’t serious with her for six years out of the eight, what about the two years you were? What amount of efforts did you put into decoding her character, person and nature? Can you in all honestly say she has surprised you with her current attitude? Deep down has she not always been like this? She couldn’t have changed so dramatically within such a short space of time. You are clearly being miserly with the truth. Until you are sincere and seen to be factual about what you have always known about her, you will never be able to resolve this confusion enveloping you.
This is the time to freeze love and romantic feelings for cold hard facts. If a woman doesn’t think twice about slapping you in the presence of your friend, it couldn’t have been the first time she is doing it. If bold enough to insult your elder sister, storm out of the house, it is already a formed habit between the two of you. If her mother who ought to have put her daughter right is playing games with you, then it has always been the norm.
The difference between your private theatre and this, is the public show. So, sit her down and let her know the cold facts and decisions you have come up with.
Frankly, I shouldn’t be the one you are asking the vital question of whether to go ahead or not, you should be asking yourself that question. For how long do you think, you can endure her person or her mother for that matter? The mother didn’t just start her manipulations; she has always done that, but you allowed it because you are obviously too weak to do anything about it.
Your irritation has nothing to do with her behaviour but that she highlighted what you have tried to conceal from everybody. She could be angry with you for not allowing her have her way as is the custom between the two of you.
Like I said, the final decision is ultimately yours to make. But don’t make your friends and family members the scapegoats.
Be man enough to do what you have to do because you would be the one living in the decision you make now.